Leave the Past in the Past

Don’t you just hate busybodies?

Shock, horror, I was engaged once before when I was 22 (at least I *think* I was 22, I’ve blanked a lot of it out). It wasn’t a particularly bad relationship, but his parents were awful. Controlling isn’t the right word, they were worse than that. His mother refusing to speak to him for a week when we said we were going to be living near my parents and not them. His dad hitting him when he refused second hand paint because we wanted to choose our own. His mother getting jealous when he gave me a kiss and a cuddle and wanting one herself. Him being the same age as me and still kissing his mum on the lips. His mother getting funny if she hadn’t spoken to her other married son twice that day.

Anyway, I digress.

This weekend, my parents bumped into an old friend of theirs that also knows the ex and his family and insisted on telling my mum that he was married now (to his brother’s wife identical twin sister) and had two children blah blah blah.

My mum didn’t ask for this information, my mum doesn’t care. She knows perfectly well (and has told me) that I’ve done better for myself.

Why though did this interfering so and so feel the need to tell my mum all of this? My mum didn’t ask. What reaction was she hoping for? Did she expect my mum to fall down onto her knees wailing and crying “That should have been my daughter”? She would have been disappointed if it was.

I have been married for 5 years, surely you would have thought people realised I was over it by now. Am I upset that he’s married with kids? No. A bit weirded out that he married his sister in laws identical twin, maybe, but not upset. In fact, given on how close his mother wants the family to be, it’s ideal for him.

However what does upset me, is that no doubt, word has gotten back to him about me, and what I’m doing, and that I’m married with a child and had cancer blah blah blah. He’s not part of my life anymore for a reason, and I don’t feel like he needs to know about my life, just like I don’t need to know about his.


7 thoughts on “Leave the Past in the Past

  1. I was married when I was 21, separated at 24 and divorced at 29.

    I moved from Tasmania to England because I just wanted rid, I didn’t want that sort of bumping into his family etc sort of thing.

    So I can totally relate to the whole not wanting him and his family to know the details of your life – he’s just not part of it anymore.

  2. Having past relationships are strange. I was engaged when I was 19 and we still keep in touch now and again. He knows I’m married and bla bla bla and he’s got a little girl. Maybe it’s unhealthy I don’t know but we were part of each other’s lives for so long it was weird to completely cut it off. We only talk via email about once or twice a year now but it used to be more. x

    • I don’t think it’s unhealthy if it’s a decision you’ve made. If you choose to stay friends and he knows about your life and you about his because you’ve told each other, then I think that’s perfectly fine. In this case we don’t keep in touch. I think we have spoken twice, both in the first few months after we split. I haven’t seen him for about 7 years, and if I did bump into him now, I think I’d just walk by x

  3. As they say “there’s nowt queer as some folk”. Maybe this lady didn’t know what else to talk to your mum about as they only have your ex and you in common. Sounds like you had a lucky escape from his controlling parents. They sound awful and I cannot believe his dad hits him! Shocking. X

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