Love/Hate

I love the NHS. Really, I do. If it wasn’t for them, I wouldn’t be here. Granted, it took them long enough to get me into the system to get my treatment, but still, without them, things would be very different.

However, I do also hate it. I hate the waiting. For instance, every time I have to go for a haematology appointment, they are running approximately an hour late. I wouldn’t mind if it was every now and again, but it’s every time. Meanwhile, my car park charge is increasing. And, if I have Jake with me, it’s a nightmare because there isn’t anywhere to change him, so I have to leave the haematology unit, make the 5 minute walk to the main hospital to change him, then walk back, at which point, I’ve more than likely been called in.

Tomorrow, I have a hospital appointment. The appointment is at 1345, yet they want me there 10 minutes before. Apparently I can expect to be there for 2 hours, but to prepare to be there all afternoon if I have to see the consultant, but there is no mention in the letter whether I need to see the consultant or not.

I wouldn’t mind, but is my actual appointment really going to take all afternoon, or is the majority of that going to be sat in the waiting room, occasionally being ushered from one place to the other?

Surely there are better ways to organise an appointment system. They’ve spent millions on a new patient record system, but how it’s actually made a difference, I’m yet to find out.

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One of Them

Should you find yourself the victim of other peoples bitterness, ignorance, smallness or insecurities… remember things could be worse… you could be one of them!

I saw this on someone’s Facebook status earlier, and instantly loved it.

It’s so easy to think that we are the problem, when a relationship breaks down. When it becomes weeks, then months, then over a year since you’ve seen someone. When they know what you’ve been through, and make time for everyone else, but not you. Doesn’t that make them the ones in the wrong?

I am not by any means, perfect. But, it doesn’t matter how busy I am, I make time for the people that are important. That’s what you do. It doesn’t have to be a visit, sometimes a phone-call is enough.

But when a relationship slowly dissolves, you get to a point where you just don’t want to make that effort anymore. It’s sad when it happens, but somethimes it just does.

I’m not taking any responsibility for this one.  I was too busy kicking cancer, now I’m busy getting on with the rest of my life.

I’m just glad I’m not one of them!

Hope

I am natural born worrier. I can’t help it. It’s what I do.

I worry that the cancer will come back. I worry about my mum’s forgetfulness. I worry that we won’t be able to have more children and that Jake will never have a brother or sister.

It would have been so easy for me to give up fighting when I was ill. To say “Enough, I can’t do this anymore”, but I couldn’t. I had to fight, I had to stay around for my little boy. I did. I fought, and I won round one. I fought and I won round two.

It wasn’t easy. It was by far the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. In fact, I would rather give birth again (with just gas and air I might add!) than have another bone marrow biopsy.

Today, marks the one year anniversary of me finishing chemotherapy. It doesn’t feel like it. It seems to have gone so quickly. Neil came with me that day. I’d made cupcakes for the nurses. I left, and it felt like an anticlimax. I don’t know what I expected,  but it just felt weird.

Now, I hope. It’s all I can do. I hope that the cancer doesn’t come back. I hope my mum’s forgetfulness is just her being scatty. I hope that soon, we can give Jake a brother or sister (preferably sister if that’s doable at all).

So whilst I worry, I also hope, and I don’t think that’s a bad place to be.

When the world says, “Give up,”
Hope whispers, “Try it one more time.”
~Author Unknown


A Quick Catch Up

I can’t believe my last blog post was on July 17th. I am a slacker.

Jake and I have hardly been in over the last few weeks. We have been out and about with friends a lot. We’ve been to farms, gardens, parties, at friends houses and country parks.

I’ve been busy setting up my new business. I am now a Body Shop at Home consultant. It’s not a full time job, but I don’t want it to be. I want to work, but I don’t want to spend obscene money on childcare, and this way, I’m out one or two nights a week and hubby can look after Jake. It’s not going to get me a ferrari or anything, but it’s more than I was doing before.

August 11th will be a year to the day since I finished chemo. I can’t quite believe it. It seems to have gone so quickly. Next time I’m at the hospital, I may pop in and see the chemo nurses. They have a swanky new unit now which I haven’t seen. I just hope the smell doesn’t effect me like it used to!

Anyway, just thought I would give you a quick update so you don’t think I’ve disappeared off the face of the earth. No doubt so more profound entries will come along soon.