When I first saw those two lines on the pregnancy test, up until the day I paid for a private gender scan, I made no secret of the fact that if I had a choice in the matter, baby number 2 would be a girl. Hubby doesn’t want any more children after this one, so it seems as though I won’t ever be able to go shopping for pink things.
And you know what? Part of that makes me really sad. I feel like in amongst my group of friends, I’m the only one that will have two the same and no little girl. While I might feel a bit disappointed that I’m not having a girl, that doesn’t in any way mean I’m disappointed to be having a little boy.
I look at Jake, and I am so proud of him. He’s funny, he’s clever, he’s mostly well behaved, his speech is really good, and in my opinion, he’s gorgeous! So if my next one is half as cute, I’ll be more than happy.
While I’m dealing with my own demons on this, I feel like I’m also dealing with other peoples. I know that someone in particular would have loved for me to have a girl. I was nervous about telling that person that it was another boy, worried that their reaction would be one of disappointment. I was having a conversation with said person the other day. We were talking about Jake, and I said “We’re going to have another baby boy soon”. Their response? “It doesn’t matter”
I know perfectly well it doesn’t matter, but the fact that they felt the need to say that out loud clearly shows it matters to them.
I am beyond happy at having another baby. There was a chance that the chemo I had would make me infertile, and even though it was only a small chance, I was still very worried about it, so the fact that I am not and that so far, everything is progressing well with the pregnancy, makes everything else pale into comparison.
So don’t tell me that “It doesn’t matter” that I’m having another boy. I know it doesn’t. I am already in love with my baby boy, and I can’t wait until April when I get to meet him.