Things Not to Say to a Breastfeeding Mother #keepbritainbf

As I mentioned in last week’s post, I have never have anyone say anything negative to me whilst feeding in public. That’s not to say I’ve never had anything negative said to me at all. Just the other day, someone was feeding Zack a bottle of expressed milk and said “Oh this milk looks quite weak”, as well as the comment from someone else “Oh when can he have a bottle? I’d give him a bottle if it was me”.

And that got me thinking. There are lots of posts this week about breastfeeding support and where to get it, so I didn’t want to duplicate that. I thought I would look at things from a different angle, and took to Facebook to ask friends what negative things have been said to them in a bid to educate people what NOT to say to a breastfeeding mum. I was actually quite shocked by some of the things I was told.

“My mother-in-law (who never breastfed) told me I was being cruel to my daughter by breastfeeding her and not giving her water (which she wouldn’t take at all) because she was always thirsty. I tried to explain she was crying because of colic not because she was thirsty and wouldn’t take water and that the foremilk is designed to quench their thirst and the hindmilk to satisfy their hunger but it was like talking to…well a moron really.”

“It winds me up something rotten the comments I get when I breastfeed in public and refuse to inconvenience myself by hiding away. The other week I breastfed on the bus and one guy shouted out ‘oh my god is she actually tit feeding her baby on the bus’ which was met by other mutterings of ‘ewww’ or ‘gross’ under their breaths. I won’t let people like them stop me but it does wind me up”

“Do you have to do that here?”

“My mother-in-law told me I was selfish for breastfeeding because apparently its a dads right to be able to feed his daughter and to decide if they should be bottle fed or not.”

  • “Are you sure he’s getting enough milk?
  • Are you sure your milk is nutritious enough?
  • I think he’s feeding too often / little / long / short.
  • You should top up with formula!
  • Do you want me to go buy some formula?
  • Why don’t you just top up with formula you’ll get more sleep / break / time
  • He/ she looks small. You should top up with formula.
  • You look tired. You should top up with formula.
  • Your nipples are sore? Top up with formula!
  • I don’t know why you bother when you could feed him formula.
  • What? He’s feeding again?? You should give him formula!
  • Formula fed babies sleep more!
  • I WANT to hold/ cuddle/ feed the baby but YOU’re breast feeding him all the time.
  • He’s crying because he’s not getting enough milk / it’s not nutritious enough.
  • Can’t you put something over the babies head?
  • There is no benefit in breastfeeding after 6 months.
  • After a certain age it’s more for the mother than for the child.
  • Can’t you go face a wall / sit in the bathroom / toilet / dark hidey hole / stuffy changing room …
  • Isn’t he/ she too old / big for that.
  • Mothers who breast feed after a certain age get enjoyment out of it ( hint pedophilia )
  • You’re preventing dad from having a relationship with his child because you’re breastfeeding
  • You’re fostering separation anxiety
  • He only wants you for your milk
  • It’s your fault he doesn’t want to come to me”

“My only negative experience was when I had my son and the nurse tried to force him to feed by grabbing my boob and his head forcing him to feed. He still refused to latch until he was ready but it made me feel like crap and since then I always follow my gut instinct and not what they say,they don’t know everything!”

“For me it was the pressure to do it, I really wanted to but struggled. I feel like focus should be put on the positives of breastfeeding rather than the negatives of formula as I felt like a failure when it didn’t work out as I hoped it would and have spoken to lots of friends who have felt the same”

“I really wanted to do it, I managed to express while she was in hospital and did a mix of breast, expressed and formula for about 3 or 4 weeks. I found the midwives and my health visitors were really supportive of me breastfeeding and when I gave up. I honestly don’t think I’d try to breastfeed next time round though. In my case I’m sure some of the problems were down to her being premature”

“I felt with my youngest that everyone telling me she would sleep better if I gave her formula was really really annoying especially as I was exhausted and irritable anyway! I’m not 100% I would breast feed our next baby even though I enjoyed feeding both of my girls purely because I struggled so much with not having more than 4 hours sleep in one go for about 7 months”

“I really wanted to breastfeed and really tried but she just wouldn’t latch on, I felt horrible giving her formula but really had no choice”

Some of the things that people have had said to them have really shocked me. It amazes me how people think they have the right to make that decision for you, or make you feel bad for the decision that you have made. Being a new mum is difficult enough without others trying to make you feel bad.

I would also like to say that there is plenty of support out there for you if you feel you need it.

Thank you for reading.  Please complete the following to enter the competition for the Keep Britain Breastfeeding Grand Prize:

Leave a comment on this blog telling me if you have ever had anything negative said to you.

For extra entries:

Go to the Life, Love and Lollipops Facebook page and “like” and  ”share” the hunt with your Facebook friends.

Tweet the following: I’m taking part in the Keep Britain Breastfeeding Scavenger hunt via @rozzibee http://wp.me/p1Fanz-5Y #keepbritainbf

Leave a separate comment for each thing you have done.

Happy Hunting!

If you have enjoyed reading, you can find other bloggers taking part in the scavenger hunt here:

Breastfeeding in England

mummyslittlepeeps

Diary of the Milkshake Mummy

Smiling Like Sunshine

Where Roots and Wings Entwine

Advertisements

14 thoughts on “Things Not to Say to a Breastfeeding Mother #keepbritainbf

  1. Great post 🙂 I think I’ve had nearly all of these things said to me,except for the ones about feeding in public! With my first baby I used to get really upset and question myself but second time around I was able to say ‘I fed my first child for a year, I know what I’m doing!!’. It’s sad that so many people are ‘experts’ on formula feeding but very few have the same level of knowledge about breastfeeding. It can be quite an isolating experience so I think posts like this are really important 🙂

  2. I can relate to a lot of the negative comments. My mother in Law would stop pointedly in front of the formula aisle in supermarkets when my son was just weeks old – and thriving on breastmilk – and say my milk was too ‘light’ hence why I was needing to feed so much.

    Other peers who chose to formula feed their babies often gave me the ‘he’d sleep better if you gave him a bottle’ rubbish. My response, to them was that if all babies slept through on formula there wouldn’t any baby ‘sleep guru’ self-help books in the stores or controlled crying and other (in my opinion dubious) methods of getting baby to sleep.

    I know my son has benefitted from my breastfeeding him these past two years and I hope it will stand him in good stead for good health throughout his life.

  3. I was told to feed my daughter in the changing rooms at the swimming pool! They did apologise when I complained, but at the time it was very upsetting.

  4. Lots of negative comments unfortunately! My mother in law delighted in telling me about the new study that stated breastfed babies were more unsettled than formula fed babies- Oh bog off women!

  5. I am very lucky to have a very supportive family on both my side and my husbands so never experienced that from them but when out and about i had a lot of mutterings and friends shocked that i still breastfed her as there is no way they would ever breastfeed! To be honest comments like that just shock me more than anything. You know what is best for your child not them.

  6. Love reading the post and everyone elses experiences. Its great to know that we all go through similar things 🙂
    Tweeted @cwillmer

  7. Loved your post, people can be so negative about breast feeding without even realizing! I havent had anyone be particularly rude to me like some of the people in your post however I have had the negative comments from friends particularly over the fact that I breast fed my first till nearly 16 months. In reality 16 months isn’t a long time but a few friends were quite shocked by this! I have also had people tell me that breast feeding is very unnatural and why wasn’t I formula feeding? Crazy!

  8. The strangest comment I got was when I was 18 and had my first, some woman came up to me and said ‘arn’t you a bit young to be breast feeding’. I was amazed but just nicely replied that ‘if my body was old enjoy to produce a baby then it was old enough to feed one’.
    other than that no one has ever said anything negative to me other than a midwife who told me when I had my second child that I should never of been breast feeding him as he was a large birth weight (8lb 9oz).

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s