Yesterday was three whole years since I started chemotherapy. Jake was this big:
It doesn’t seem like it was three years ago, and a lot has happened since.
I still remember how people used to say “You’re so brave.” I wasn’t. Not in the least bit, I was just doing what I had to do and what anyone else would have done.
I probably wasn’t the most sensible at times, going to soft play with Jake when there was loads of people around, and kids with coughs and colds. And I probably shouldn’t have done Race for Life that year (I ended up in hospital for a week with pneumonia) even though I took it at a slow pace, and our group was one of the last to finish! But, I was just getting through in any way I could.
Three years on and things are “normal” again, in as much as normal can be. I still have check ups, although I have finally moved onto six monthly appointments now. Hopefully, in two years I can be discharged completely.
Zack will be one soon, the baby I wasn’t sure I’d be able to have. And I do feel guilty about the fact that I get to spend more time with him, and that the time I do spend with him isn’t tainted with hospital stays and general post chemo yuckiness, whereas I never got to do that with Jake. And when Jake is old enough to understand, I will explain to him as best I can.
Jake will be starting school this year, and I am proud of the little boy he has become. He has his moments, like all three year olds, but he is mostly a well behaved, lovely little boy. Me? I’m just glad I get to be there to see him off on his first day of big school 🙂
You can be a victim of cancer, or a survivor of cancer. It’s a mindset. – Dave Pelzer