There is no pause button

On Monday, Zack will be one. In May, Jake will be four. He starts school in September. It’s going far too quickly.

Sometimes, I wish there was a pause button. To soak up these times. To enjoy them being small for longer.

My boys are my world. I love them with all that I am. And I know that they are MY boys, and I am supposed to love them with all that I am, and treasure the time I spend with them. But I struggle to understand why other people can’t make time for them. Not when they have time for everyone else.

Jake, he understands things. He understands broken promises. He remembers that we are going to Thomas Land soon. He understands we are going on holiday to a farm. He understands that soon, Daddy is going to take him camping. He understands these things because I talk to him about them, so he remembers.

But just as easily, he forgets. If he doesn’t see someone for a long time, he forgets them.

Zack, he’s nearly one. He’s crawling, he’s walking around the furniture, he has a personality. He throws a strop if he doesn’t get his own way. But he’s so smiley, and happy. And he’s growing, so fast.

And I can’t pause it. There is nothing I can do to slow it down. But I’m here, I’m watching, I’m drinking it all in. I’m not missing out.

There is no pause button. They grow. They change. There is nothing I can do.

There is no pause button.


Emma Dewson doesn’t blog here….

One of the things I like about wordpress (and it may well be the same for other blogging platforms, I don’t know) is that I can see what people have searched for to bring them to my blog.

Today, I have had someone search for “female gruffalo”. Random.

But I always get a little freaked out when someone types in a name of someone and it brings them to my blog. It’s happened once or twice, but this week alone, four searches have been done for “Emma Dewson”, eight in the last quarter.

Emma Dewson comments
Emma Dewson weightloss facebook
Emma Dewson slimming world facebook
Emma Dewson diet facebook
Emma Dewson weightloss profile
Emma Dewson next facebook post
Emma Dewson photo post
Emma Dewson weight

To whoever it is that is trying to find anything out about Emma, I’m sorry to disappoint you. This isn’t Emma’s blog. It’s mine. It’s about me. My weight, my diet, my photo’s, my boys, my family, my life. Me, me me!

Thanks for your interest in this blog, but if it’s Emma you’re interested in, you’re in the wrong place. And I’m actually quite concerned about your level of interest in her. Perhaps if you don’t know these things about Emma, it’s because she doesn’t want you to?

If you’d like to comment and tell me why the obsession, I’d be interested to know.

****EDIT TO ADD – Since posting this blog, she has been searched for again. This time “Emma Dewson loose a stone comment”  I’m watching you. And for the record? It’s lose, not loose.

Hair’s a Dilemma

 I am not known for ever being adventurous with my hair. My two styles are ponytail, or down. Unless it’s short, and then it’s flat, or spiky. And it hasn’t been short by choice for a year or two Before Cancer (BC). Occasionally I can go a bit mad with colour, but even then, it’s plum, or burgundy, or at my most adventurous, blue/black.

But Post Cancer (PC) I’ve not done anything. I’ve let it grow. And grow some more, and then a bit more. And now I’m bored.

So, dear readers, I am going to post some of my various hairstyles in the hope you will guide me. My hair appointment is booked for Sunday at 10am.



Short and spiky. Before cancer, before babies


Growing out the short and spiky

Four days after diagnosis, just before starting chemo, the day I decided to get my hair cut short in preparation for losing it


1 month post chemo


2 months post chemo, still looking puffy from the steroids

Around 7 months post chemo

Around 7 months post chemo


9 months post chemo


Around 10 months post chemo

11 months post chemo

11 months post chemo


Last night! 2.5 years post chemo

So I don’t really know what to do. I did love it short, but I’m not ready to go back there yet I don’t think. But I am bored with having it this long. I’m contemplating a fringe, but hubby says no.

What do you think?


Week 1 Weigh Day

The results are in, and I can reveal I lost 3.5lbs on my first week of Weight Watchers (I’m also still taking the XLS Medical).

It has by no means been easy, and I have to say I found Slimming World A LOT easier to follow, but I needed a change, a different plan to follow. I knew it so well, that it just wasn’t working.

So, I started on 27 points, and because of my loss, I’m now down to 26 *sob*.

I do have some concerns about my group leader though. She did her introductory chat to me at the end of group last week. Told me that she joined WW twenty-something years ago, reached her target and has been a group leader ever since.

My first thought was “Yes, but you’re not at target now, are you?” Is that mean of me? Perhaps, however, she’s encouraging (supposedly, I’ll get onto that in a minute) us to lose weight, but she’s not in a healthy BMI range of 20-25, and that is what Weight Watchers aim is. Your target has to be in the healthy BMI range if you are ever to become a Gold Member (Slimming World lets you choose your own target, even if it’s not in the healthy BMI).


Last night, she wanted us all to write down a goal on our weigh in records. We had to have a goal in mind for the week after Easter. Something we want to achieve, something achievable It could be a particular weight we want to be by then, the next dress size down, the next hole in your belt etc. I wrote down that I wanted a total of 10lb loss by then. Not unachievable as I’ve already lost 3.5lb, so it’s only another 6.5, over 4 weeks, that’s less than 2lb a week. She asked for people to tell her what they had written down. As I’m new to the group, and quite shy (yes, really!) I didn’t put my hand up to volunteer my goal. Another lady did though, and her goal was to lose 7lb between now and then. The leaders response? “Well that’s silly isn’t it? How are you going to feel if you don’t reach that? You’ll feel awful” So the other lady sheepishly changed her goal to a loss of 4lbs.

Now, I get that she doesn’t want us to be disappointed but we are all there to lose weight, we have all been referred by our GP’s so it’s not like we don’t have the weight to lose, so I was really shocked at her attitude.

The other thing that irked me is that she didn’t tell me I’ve dropped down to 26 points. It was only because I registered for “esource” (where I can track online and on my phone/iPad) that I found out. If I hadn’t of done that, I wouldn’t have known and could have jeopardised my own weight loss without even knowing.

I really want to do this, and I want to do it well. Luckily, I am part of a wonderful online community and have some lovely friends that are helping me out and letting me rant at them! Thank you, you know who you are 🙂

So, onwards and inwards!