Under Pressure

When I was pregnant with Zack, before we had our gender scan, I was hoping for a girl. I thought one of each would be lovely.

It’s not that I was disappointed when I found out he was a boy, disappointed isn’t the right word, I’m not sure what is. To be truthful, I was just grateful to be carrying a healthy baby after all of the health crap I’d been through.

This time round, I can honestly say I don’t mind what we have. I have two utterly gorgeous (albeit sometimes frustrating) boys, so why would I be upset if I had another one?

If we have another boy, it means that bedroom sharing in the future won’t be as much of an issue, as the two that get on best share, as opposed to having to share just because. It means we pretty much have everything we need.

If we have a girl, it means I get to go shopping for girly things, which I will be equally as happy with. As long as they are healthy, I don’t mind.

I wish I could say everyone felt the same as me. Certain people have made it abundantly clear that a boy would be a disappointment and a girl is necessary to fulfil their pretty dress buying needs.

Jake has requested a little sister, that he doesn’t want another brother.

I feel under an immense amount of pressure to produce a female, and I don’t like it.

I can’t choose. In fact, the gender selection isn’t even anything to do with me, that’s all down to Neil.

So I’ve made a decision.

And that decision is, we are keeping it a surprise. That’s not to say we aren’t finding out, it just means that if we do, as far as possible we won’t be revealing what we are having until s/he is here.

And I know some people with disagree with that. Will say that we are being awkward, maybe even selfish.

I don’t care.

I can’t win.

If I say it’s a boy, I will get comments such as “Oh, that’s a shame” “A girl would have been nice” “Are you disappointed?” Cue people being defriended and blocked.

If I say it’s a girl I will get “Oh how lovely, I bet you are so pleased it’s not another boy.”

Would anyone dare say to me when I’m holding a baby in my arms: “Yeah he’s ok I suppose, shame he’s not a girl though.” NO! Of course not.

So I ask of you: Don’t try and pressure me or trick me into telling you. It will only lead to me getting annoyed and us falling out.

If we change our minds and choose to find out and/or reveal, then we shall, but the decision shall remain ours and I won’t be bullied into anything else.

The Mummy Tag – Meme

I was tagged by Jaime at The Oliver’s Madhouse to answer some mummy questions.

Here are my answers:

1. Are you a Stay at Home Mum, or a Working Mum?

A bit of both. I was made redundant whilst on maternity leave with Jake, although I wasn’t planning on going back there anyway, I hated it. I started an access to higher education course when Jake was a few months old, but unfortunately I had to pull out as I got my cancer diagnosis, so all my energy needed to go on fighting it.

Then we had Zack. When he was one, I started temping, and then got a part time job at a dental practice, which I have been at for 6 months now. It works well for us. I work mornings with Wednesdays off, so I am always around for the school pickup.

2. Would you have it any other way?
No, I don’t think so. When the kiddies are at school full time, I would probably consider full time work again, or 4 days a week or something.

3. Do you co-sleep?
No, is the short answer. When Jake was younger, he used to love snuggles in bed, in fact he still does now. On a weekend he often comes into bed with us for morning cuddles. Zack, on the other hand, hates it!

4. What is your one must-have item for your baby?
An isofix carseat! Makes life so much easier than having to strap them in with a seatbelt.

5. How many kids do you plan on having?
Well. I planned on having two, but life had other ideas and I am now 15 weeks pregnant with number 3.

6. Date night? How many nights per month?
What’s that?

We don’t really have “Date Nights” as such. Although my inlaws have babysat for us a couple of times recently whilst we’ve been out for friends birthdays, and our friend is babysitting for us on Saturday night so we can go out for a belated Valentine’s meal. We keep saying we should see if once a month we could arrange a babysitter for date night, just haven’t got round to it.

7. Your child’s favourite show?
Currently, both boys love Octonauts.

8. Name one thing you bought before you had your baby and never ended up using?
The only thing we can think of is the pram attachment of the travel system. We’d generally clip the car seat into it.

9. Your child’s favourite food?
This is where the boys differ most. Jake is very fussy, and refuses to let a fruit or vegetable past his lips unless it’s in smoothie mode! His favourite dinner is “special pasta” (pasta & red pesto). Zack loves fruit, would quite happily sit munching grapes or strawberries.

10. How many cars does your family have?
Two. We have a VW Passat estate that hubby uses (although it used to be mine when we owned the Land Rover), and I have a Ford Fiesta. For a while we downsized to one car, when I was commuting to work on the train every day, we couldn’t justify having two. In hindsight, we wish we kept both cars as my insurance is now through the roof as we didn’t realise I would lose all my no claims bonus, so have had to start from scratch.

11. Weight gain before pregnancy, during and after and now?
My weight is something I have struggled with since Jake was born. I was lovely and slim before I fell pregnant with him, then I put on baby weight, then  before I had chance to lose it I got ill, so gained my cancer weight, and I’ve struggled ever since.

12. Dream holiday with your kids?
I think it would have to be Disneyland. Isn’t that where everyone would take their kids?

13. Dream holiday without your kids?
Well, this is difficult. I love hot sunny holidays, lying with a cocktail by the pool, reading my chick lit. Neil, not so much. I would love to go to New Zealand. I think that’s somewhere we’d both be happy going.

14. How has your life changed since your baby has been born?
Life is very different. I keep thinking about the Michael McIntyre sketch where it’s so much more difficult to leave the house when you have kids. It’s so true. We can’t do the things we used to do, go out to dinner just because we fancy it, go out to visit people on a school night, or go on a nice holiday.

But would we change it if we could? No.

15. Finish the sentence: ‘It makes my heart melt to see … ‘
Jake and Zack holding hands, or hugging each other.

16. Where do you shop for your kids?
Tesco, Asda, Primark, Marks and Spencer, Mothercare. Anywhere that has what I need for the right price really.

17. Favourite makeup and skincare products?
Boots no. 7 for make up, Body Shop for skincare

18. Huggies or Pampers?
Hated Huggies with Jake, they would always leak. With Zack I loved the Huggies newborn nappies. But generally we are Pampers or Tesco people.

19. Have you always wanted kids?
Yes. We always knew we’d have kids, just wanted a few years of just us first. Married in 2006, baby in 2009, so I think that worked quite well.

20. Best part about being a mum?
Seeing them develop their own personalities and sense of humour, squidgy cuddles.

 

Pregnancy FAQ

Since announcing pregnancy number 3, I find I’m being asked a lot of the same questions. Some of them I find, quite frankly, inappropriate.

I shall list some of the more frequently asked ones below, and I shall let you choose for yourself whether you class them as appropriate or not. 

  • Was it planned? No. 
  • Are you pleased? Yes
  • DId you want a third to try for a girl? No
  • Are you hoping it’s a girl? No. I’m hoping for a healthy baby.
  • But you want a girl don’t you? No. I’m hoping for a healthy baby.
  • But a girl would be nice wouldn’t it? Yes. But I’m hoping for a healthy baby. 
  • When are you due? Early August. 
  • You’re going to have your hands full, aren’t you? Yes. 
  • But what about your new job? I plan to take maternity leave and then go back. 
  • Where are you going to put it? In a cot most likely. 
  • But Neil works from home, doesn’t that mean they will have to share? Yes, probably.
  • Is it going to be your last? I don’t know. Zack was going to be our last. We might have a football team yet. 

 

Those are the ones I can think of off the top of my head, but you get the general idea. We are pleased. We think it’s good news. Four years ago I got diagnosed with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma and didn’t know whether I’d still be here, so quite frankly, the fact that I am, and I’ve been lucky enough to have Zack, and now another baby, well, bring it on.