29+4

So, somehow I have gone past 29 weeks and am into my third trimester. We have a girls name decided, and we are yet to decide on a boys name, Neil and Jake vs me, it would seem!

This pregnancy feels different to my pregnancies with Jake and Zack. With Jake and Zack, I was elated, excited. This time, I’m waiting for those feelings to kick in.

It’s not that I’m not happy. It’s just that I’m not quite where I was. And I feel awful about it.

It’s been a bit of a rollercoaster.

We weren’t planning a third, so it was a bit of a shock. Then I was convinced I was going to have another chemical pregnancy, as I’d had before Jake and before Zack. I was sure that was just how my body works. I had early blood tests which showed my HCG levels had more that doubled in a 48 hour period, and we had a scan at around 7 weeks that showed a strong heartbeat.

At 10 weeks, I had a small bleed and some cramping, so had another scan which showed that everything was still fine. The 12 week scan went absolutely fine. We then announced our pregnancy, and had some negative reaction. Heaven forbid we have a third child!

We chose to have a private gender scan at 16 weeks and found out what we were having, but at 20 weeks, found out we were having something else. So we had started to bond with what we thought we were having, and then had to bond with the other.

When I was 23 weeks, my Dad got rushed into hospital with heart trouble, and got a diagnosis of Unstable Angina and spent a few days in CCU. When I was 24 weeks, Dad went back into hospital, spent some more time in CCU and had an angioplasty. When I was 25 weeks, Dad went back into hospital and spent yet more time in CCU.

Also, when I was 25 weeks, Mum failed her memory test at the GP and is being referred to the hospital, and will have some more tests done. I strongly suspect she will end up with some kind of dementia diagnosis.

To add to that, we have been going through some social worker assessments, not for us, but for my brother with learning difficulties to try and get him some extra support, as the support he was getting has now gone away due to lack of funding. Thank you Mr Cameron. The first assessment said he wasn’t eligible, and was factually incorrect, so we put a complaint in, and had to start the process again. We’ve just been through the second assessment, and are waiting for the outcome, although I feel it will be a lot more positive than the last one. It helped that this social worker was older than 12.

So with all of this going on, I’ve not had much of a chance to get ready for this baby. And I think that’s what I need to do. Once the baby clothes come out, the cot gets assembled, my growths scans are ok, I think I will start to feel excited about meeting the new member of our family. I know that once s/he is in my arms, I will fall completely in love.