Today, you are one

Dear Zack

Today you are one year old! Where did the time go? It just feels like yesterday that we were in hospital, waiting to bring you home.

You are a very special little boy. I don’t want to call you my miracle baby, because I don’t believe you are a miracle but I do want you to know how much we ached for you. You see, mummy was very poorly before you were even a twinkle in our eyes, and we didn’t know if we would be able to have any more babies. The day I found out I was pregnant was such a happy one.

Having you meant I could finally move on and start to put the past behind me. Towards the end of my pregnancy with you, the doctors were worried that I was poorly again, and I had to have lots of appointments and tests, and scans to see what was going on. I was heartbroken. If I was poorly again, it would mean that I wouldn’t have been around for the few few months of your life because I would be needing more treatment to make me better, and you would have to be born early, and someone else would be doing the bonding with you that I should have been. I cried when I found out it was all a false alarm and I was fine.

You arrived a week early on April 1st 2012. You share a birthday with your Aunty Cary, which she is very happy about.

You are so, so loved. Mummy, Daddy and your big brother Jake love you so much. You are such a gorgeous boy, so smiley, with so much dark hair. Everyone says you look like me, sorry about that! You are growing up fast, and it won’t be long before you are walking, and then we will be in trouble!

I promise, to both you and your brother, that I will always love you, I will always be there for you, and I will always put you first. I will be there for every big event (and even the not so big ones) and I will love you until my dying breath. All of this, I promise you.

I am so lucky to have you. Thank you for bringing sunshine and smiles into every day.


You brought a ray of sunshine

When all around was grey

I don’t know what would have happened

If you hadn’t come our way.

You put a spark of love and hope

In our hearts filled with grief and pain

You made us laugh, where once we cried

Made us want to live again.

Now you fill our days with love

And happy dreams at night

You came, a gift from up above

Our special guiding light.

K.L. Murray